By Brian L. Grant MD, President and Medical Director
Several months ago I read this beautiful op ed piece in the NY Times of a man thanking the medical team that cared for his wife. The article and responsive comments are deeply powerful.
More recently, the Times columnist David Brooks wrote a piece that referenced the prior one in the context of a deep and engaged relationship referenced by the philosopher Martin Buber as “I-Thou” in contrast to the common transactional relationship he referred to as “I-It.” When I was in college I discovered Martin Buber and it warmed my heart to see him referenced in these times.
A family member described a visit to a doctor where the patient felt objectified, ignored on key issues and basically disregarded in many respects, with a trivialization of the issues that they sought care for. It caused me to think about what sort of relationships we have in our work with clients and coworkers, our doctors with claimants, and each of us in our personal lives with friends and loved ones?
If we could pivot more towards “I-Thou” in our lives, how much richer would our lives be in all facets?
Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of when I donated a portion of my liver to my son, (who is doing great). I wrote a similar letter to the director of nursing at NY Presbyterian hospital. It included a long list of nurses by name, who demonstrated tremendous care. You could argue that most people choose a profession like nursing because they take satisfaction in providing help to others, but that is an easy out.
It is a personal decision to open yourself and engage in a relationship that is beyond a mechanical or automated exchange with people in all aspects of your life. There are some people I deal with who are strictly focused on the business at hand. I don’t try to push them too hard but I do try to open the door to more meaningful interactions. Sometimes the people who are closed up the tightest benefit the most from outreach. My intentions are not to build a better relationship to get more business from people. My motivation is to make my life and the ones of the people I touch happier.
I followed up with a doctor after my surgery regarding a complication. They were not part of the transplant team and I was met with indifference and skepticism. It was clear they had a method they used in managing patients and apparently I was rude for wanting to wait 3 months for a test to be performed. Age has brought some wisdom and I wisely sought treatment somewhere else.
I think the biggest challenge I face is when confronted by someone who is closed down, but is a consistent part of my life. I always remain true to myself and hope the walls will break down over time.
Thank you for sharing this article!
Thank you for sharing with us, John!